May It Be

I finally broke down today. Completely and shamelessly broke down. But strangely, it wasn't exactly a bad kind of breaking down. It was needed, therapeutic even. These past 2 weeks have been a blur and I've been trying so hard to stay on top of everything. So many decisions need to be made in such a small amount of time, I'm stressing out! Where am I going to live next year? With who? Will I be able to afford it? I need my roommate Annie to give me a definite answer if she is going to live in West Campus because it's dragging everyone else behind and I feel so guilty for holding back my other 2 friends from signing a lease and getting a good deal on a place to live next year. I cried so many tears because of that. I can't keep balancing everything when that is always in the back of my head, making me stress and stress and stress!

Also, as much as it kills me to admit it, there's a few chances for me to get an internship here in Austin over the summer. Kevin and a lot of my friends think it's a great opportunity to get some practice in the field and to network. But I am so torn. I was not ready to stay in Austin for the summer until at least my junior or senior year. I have lost so much sleep wondering that to do. I would make my dad so sad, he would miss me so much and I would miss him dearly. And Haley, I would miss her so much. I can't imagine a summer without her :(

And to top it off, one of my dear, dear friends Emilio changed plans on me last minute and it hurt. We were gonna go to lunch today and I was so excited and got ready but then he texted me at the last minute to tell me he couldn't..."I'm so sorry, maybe tomorrow?"

At this point, I just started crying. Huge, alligator tears that just wouldn't stop. I haven't cried in awhile and it was so messy and my nose started running and it was annoying to wipe it on my hand and well, yeah you get the idea. I wasn't even at home, I was at Kevin's place. At that very moment, I just wanted to be in my room, alone with my thoughts and some loud music. He came home to see me sitting on the floor staring at my planner. I was so hungry at this point too...like STARVING and it didn't help my sadness/anger.  He saw my tears and my blotchy face, scooped me up and kissed the top of my head over and over. I told him what went wrong, about everything really and he told me he was sorry. He let me vent and stumble over my words while crying and then he said, "Alright, now let's figure this out." And we did. For the most part. I mean I also like being able to think it through on my own in my own fashion but I adore him for helping me through it.

Now, I am sitting in my room blogging and listening to very loud, pretty music.
I miss Haley very much and its times like these when everything feels a little overwhelming that I wish I could just see a familiar face and do silly, familiar things.

I will find out on Sunday or Monday if I get into the Texas Spirits. I'm pretty anxious to find out. I also watched the Social Network finally. Great, great movie. To think that a social network that we use everyday, that our lives almost revolve around was started from ONE person's mind. His capability to make ONE formula and share it to the world. And to think about all the money he's made, as well as the best friend whom he lost as greed and selfishness got in the way. Love it.

But anyway, I am going to part with these words,
"The weather outside is absolutely gorgeous and I cannot wait for Spring."